Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
