You really coming over, don't trick.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
