Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
