she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
