I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
