Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
