So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
