I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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