I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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