your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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