Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
