i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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