So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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