Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
