shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize