Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
