I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
