Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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