I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
