It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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