At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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