I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
