i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
