Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
