I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
