Dude my mom stole all your condoms
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
His hands were made for my vagina.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
