The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
