so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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