This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
