I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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