remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
