in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
