So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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