just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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