I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
