why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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