you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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