Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
