you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
