Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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