3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
