im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
