His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
