Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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