The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
