I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
