just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
