my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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