Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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