This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
