vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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