He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
