listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
