LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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