is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
