are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
