I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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