YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
