your thong is hanging out like whoa
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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