Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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