I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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