i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
this boner is exhausting
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
