If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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