It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
