did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
