at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Send help, water and tortillas.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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