I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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