i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
