Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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