which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize