...so i touched it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
