Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
