He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
