Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
