Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
