The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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